I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
