Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
