forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
