from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
