If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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