his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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