Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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