I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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