i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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