I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
