i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
