You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
