he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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