If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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