You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
