She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
