I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
