You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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