Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
