I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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