My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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