yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just threw up on my dentist
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
