I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
