The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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