Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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