I faked an abortion last night.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
