On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
