I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
