whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
