i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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