My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
