next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
