I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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