Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
