conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
