The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
