I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
