The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
