Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
