We're facebook friends in real life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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