i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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