he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
