her vagine was all disorganized.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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