i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
