Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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