The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sorry about my life...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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