Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
