Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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