You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
