he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
