Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
