You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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