So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
