I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This girl is more easily done than said...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
