what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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