Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
