the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
