I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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