Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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