So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
