my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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