Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
