The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
