Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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