Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
